Looking Forward

‎”Sometimes you’re 23 and standing in the kitchen of your house making breakfast and brewing coffee and listening to music that for some reason is really getting to your heart. You’re just standing there thinking about going to work and picking up your dry cleaning. And also more exciting things like books you’re reading and trips you plan on taking and relationships that are springing into existence. Or fading from your memory, which is far less exciting. And suddenly you just don’t feel at home in your skin or in your house and you just want home but “Mom’s” probably wouldn’t feel like home anymore either. There used to be the comfort of a number in your phone and ears that listened everyday and arms that were never for anyone else. But just to calm you down when you started feeling trapped in a five-minute period where nostalgia is too much and thoughts of this person you are feel foreign. When you realize that you’ll never be this young again but this is the first time you’ve ever been this old. When you can’t remember how you got from sixteen to here and all the same feel like sixteen is just as much of a stranger to you now. The song is over. The coffee’s done. You’re going to breathe in and out. You’re going to be fine in about five minutes.” – The Winter of Air

I epic failed on posting for Photo Friday- it’s been a crazy busy week! A full work schedule, some family things, and a few stressful days happened this week… this post definitely seemed to be the theme of it all. Better late and eventually than never, I suppose.

Wednesday morning, I woke up and realized it was May- which isn’t a hard thing to creep up on you when you’re working full time and out of school. May in general makes me nostalgic of graduation last year, and some big changes in my life that were really hard to deal with at the time. Most of you who know me personally know that I’m unreasonably sentimental sometimes…

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Post-graduation from college, despite working at my University and not straying too far from my old group of friends, has been quite the time of change and growth. It’s odd enough having to support myself financially, another thing to decide what type of person you want to be within society, something else to figure out who you are and who you want to become. All in all, I’d be the first to admit that one of the most difficult things I’ve had to learn in the past year is to move forward from old fears I held from past experiences.

Everyone has difficult times, whether it be the illness of a loved one, a hard breakup with someone you care about, severing ties with a friend who no longer respects you, etc. It’s what you do with those experiences- whether you learn to let them shape your expectations for the future or whether you learn to grow from them. It’s easier said than done to train yourself to move forward from your more negative experiences.

I find that it’s easier everyday to find lessons learned from the past and joy in the now when I focus on the things I am thankful for- my job, my family, my friends, my health, while recognizing that the parts of my past that are not so pleasant do not have all bearing on what’s to come in the future. Just in thinking about how far I’ve come in the past year, or even in the past six months, makes all the difference.